Blind Date
by xotakux2002x
Summary: AU fic. kisame and itachi are set up on a blind date, courtesy of deidara and konan! slight kisaita and sasodei, fluff, oneshot


"Konan, are you sure this is going to work out, un?" Deidara asked nervously.

"Of course it will! Those two are perfect for each other! Now, run over the plan again."

"Ok," Deidara answered, opening a spiral notebook to the page he needed. "Step one; Kisame will meet Itachi in the park, un. Step two; they'll walk around the park for a while. Step three; they'll go out to dinner, un. Step four; Kisame takes Itachi home."

"Step five; YAOI!"

"Konan, this is just their first date. And a blind date at that, un."

"Oh. Right." An evil glint suddenly appeared in Konan's eyes. "That's just as well. I'll have time to install hidden cameras in their homes. Mwahaha!"

"Oh, that reminds me, un. Danna says that if you keep hiding cameras in our apartment, you better at least pay for the tapes, un."

"Dammit!"

Itachi was sitting on a park bench, staring around at his surroundings. He'd never understand why he agreed to go on a blind date with some kid he'd never even heard of. But, according to Deidara and Konan, the two of them actually went to the same school, and were supposedly perfect for each other. Besides, between Deidara's teary-eyed pleas and Konan's death threats, he really had had no say in the matter.

The Uchiha glanced down at his watch. 1:42. This Kisame kid should be here in about three minutes. If not, he was going home. He had better things to do than wait around for someone he didn't even know-"Excuse me, are you Itachi Uchiha?"

The weasel in question looked up to see a tall man with pointed teeth and blue skin. He rose to his feet, studying the larger teen. _"At least he looks more interesting than the rest of the idiots around here. _Yes. I can assume you're Kisame Hoshigaki then?"

"Yeah," the shark grinned, giving the weasel a toothy grin. Itachi merely turned to walk down the park's path. "You go to my school, right?" Kisame continued.

"Hn."

"Is that a yes or no?"

"It serves as both."

"Oh."

"What is Itachi doing?!" Konan demanded, watching the couple through her binoculars, which Deidara quickly snatched away.

"Royally screwing up, un," Deidara replied, rolling his eyes. "You made sure to tell Kisame what a prick Itachi can be, right?"

"Uh-huh," Konan said, readjusting her legs in the tree they were perched in. "But even a sweetheart like Kisame can only take so much. Let's keep watching them."

"Un."

After a few hours of walking around the park, Kisame had run out of things to talk about, and had barely gotten a word out of the Uchiha. "So, um…what now?"

"What do you feel like eating?" the weasel replied.

"Sushi, actually."

"How about we find a decent place to eat, then."

"Works for me."

"What's happening now, un?!" Deidara asked, trying to grab the binoculars out of Konan's hands. The two had moved across the park to another tree, in hopes of remaining in cognito.

"Give me a sec!" the blue haired female demanded, trying to locate the two. She finally found them ducking into a Japanese restaurant. "They're eating early!"

"That must mean things aren't going well, un!" Deidara suddenly leapt down from the tree and began walking towards the restaurant.

"Deidara, what the hell are you doing?!"

"Saving their date, un!" The blonde declared before entering the eatery.

"ITACHI, UN!" The Uchiha looked up just in time to be glomped by a certain blonde.

"Oof!"

"What are you doing here, un?"

"I'm on a date," he growled, motioning to Kisame, who was sitting across the table from the two, looking rather uncertain.

"Um, hi."

"Hi, un!" Deidara quickly shot over to the blue skinned man. "Don't let the attitude fool you, Itachi actually has a sense of humor, un."

"Really?" Kisame asked, smirking.

"Uh-huh. It's to make up for the fact that he has no soul, un."

Itachi glared at the blonde. "Deidara, kindly beat it before I have to call Sasori and tell him that you've been bothering me. Again."

The blonde gulped, remembering what happened whenever the red head decided to punish him. "Ok, un." He began to leave, then suddenly returned to Kisame, leaning in to whisper into the shark's ear. "Oh, and good luck trying to screw him. He's a got a stick shoved pretty far up his ass, so there's no telling if you can get in or not, un."

"Deidara," Itachi said in a warning tone, opening his cell phone. The blonde was gone in an instant.

"Well, he seemed rather…"

"Idiotic?"

"Kinda." A soda suddenly collided with the back of Kisame's head, splattering fizzy liquid all over him.

Itachi reached for the napkins and began helping the shark clean up. "Sorry. He's a bit oversensitive."

"It's alright; this kind of thing happens to me fairly often," Kisame said sheepishly, cleaning up the mess. "Now, who's this Sasori you were threatening him with?"

"His boyfriend. Or rather, my best friend. If I ask him, he can make sure the blonde won't be able to walk for a week."

"Ouch."

"I guess. But Deidara usually has it coming."

"So, how long've you known each other?"

Deidara quickly ducked outside the restaurant and ran over to the tree that Konan was still hiding in. "Dei, what the hell did you do?!"

"I saved their date, un. Look; they're talking now!"

Konan looked through her binoculars, eyes going wide. "Well I'll be. You did it."

The blonde grinned from ear to ear. "Thanks, un." His phone began ringing. He looked down and went pale when he saw that the caller ID read 'danna'. Nervously, he answered the phone. "Hi danna, un! Itachi called? Well, um, I didn't mean…but Sasori, he was being a prick, un!...No, I did not…danna!...Fine, un. I love you too, un." He hung up and flopped against the tree.

"Problems?"

"Itachi called danna, un."

"You're dead meat, aren't you?"

"Un."

"_I'd better get that tape,"_ Konan thought, smirking evilly.

Kisame and Itachi walked up to the apartment that the Uchiha was staying in. "So, this is where you live."

"Hn."

"Alright. Well, I guess, I'll be seeing you…" Itachi opened the door, then turned back to the shark. Before Kisame could react, the weasel had grabbed his hand and pulled him down into a quick kiss. Smirking, Itachi ducked inside his apartment, shutting the door.

When Kisame finally regained his senses, he realized something was in his palm. Looking down at the hand Itachi had grabbed, he saw a slip of paper with a name and phone number written on it. Smiling, he left the building, trying to decide when to call the Uchiha.


End file.
